This is a satirical article. All persons mentioned, aside from Danica Roem, are fictional. All quotes and situations have been made up. The election of Danica Roem is the only true event that has actually occurred.
In a once-peaceful state, there is a commotion brewing. A new state legislator for Virginia has been elected. Danica Roem, a transgender woman was running and won the election. Now, what do we see? People, running through the streets. Zombies have begun roaming the Virginian counties. Aliens, abducting people’s dogs and stealing all the plastic scissors, so that everyone has to use those annoying metal ones. Why? Danica Roem is transgender. It’s simple. She was born male, and now that she has transitioned and taken a government position, everything is wrong. Water has become solid! Dryers are becoming sentient and shrinking everyone’s clothing! We took to the streets and found some local Virginians to comment on this travesty:
“Danica Roem? Oh, yeah. I voted for her. She has some really good ideas abo- [Incoherent speech by reporter] No, my dog is fine. What does this have to do with Danica Roem again?”
– Marie Romave
“Excuse me? Why are you doing that? Why are you dancing like that? [Incoherent speech by reporter] A rain dance? What for? [Incoherent speech by reporter] No, sir, I don’t think Danica Roem is going to summon a drought. Would you stop that?”
– Ted Freeward
After that, we were asked to halt interviews. However, you can see that people are incredibly panicked about this occurrence. Not only is Danica Roem causing all the leaves to turn into spiders, but she is doing something far more foul than we could ever imagine. She is going to the bathroom. Yes, you heard that right, Danica Roem is using women’s restrooms. Who knows what she could be doing in the bathroom? Washing her hands? Fixing her hair, even? Unimaginable things, most likely. Danica Roem is wrong for Virginia. Why? She isn’t what we expected and we don’t like that.