NFL Team Review by Jonah Casel ‘27
There are 32 teams in the NFL, and there are obviously some that are better than others. I’ve already done a version of this for the NHL, so now I’ll be reviewing the NFL teams.
Arizona Cardinals
They are a very good team, to say the least. If I was a fan of them, I would wish that they would use DeAndre Hopkins more. He is one of the best wide receivers in the NFL, and they are using him equal with some other wide receivers. Kyler Murray, if he can stay healthy, can be a franchise QB. The defense is fine, but nothing special. The trade for Zach Ertz has been really good for them. They made the playoffs, which was good for Kyler Murray, his first time making it to the postseason. They don’t really need much, they are a complete team! If Kyler Murray can get better with age, they could be the best team in the league by far!
Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons seem… interesting. One week they beat the Saints, a wildcard team, and then the next week they get shut out at home by the Patriots. The loss of Calvin Ridley is devastating, and I really hope that he gets better. Kyle Pitts is really good too, and I think in the future they can go places. I think before they do, they will have to let go of Matt Ryan. Whether they have to do that through the draft or through trades, I’m unsure. For them, I think their top target should be Russell Wilson. Their biggest need is some defense. A.J. Terrell, Deion Jones, and Grady Jarrett can’t do it all themselves.
Baltimore Ravens
One week the Ravens lose to the Raiders. Then they beat the Chiefs. Then they lose to Cincinnati, and then they lose to Miami. Yes, they are a good team, but I don’t know if they’ll go far in the future. At their best, they are a top 10 team in the league. At their worst, they are in the bottom 10. If they want to stay their best, that has to start with Lamar Jackson. Unfortunately he’s been injured this season, but Tyler Huntley has surprisingly been a really solid backup quarterback! Their biggest need is probably wide receivers. Mark Andrews has been Lamar’s top target, and he’s a tight end.
Buffalo Bills
At the beginning of this season, I was almost certain that they were going to the superbowl, but after some bad losses to the Jaguars and Colts, I’m really not sure. Like the Ravens, at their best, they can beat ANY team in the league. At their worst? Oof. However, they won their division, and Josh Allen is one of the best quarterbacks in the league. Their biggest need is a good running back.
Carolina Panthers
At first we thought that this team might actually do something! They had Cam Newton back! Christian McCaffrey was healthy! They even got Stephon Gilmore! And then it fell apart. Cam Newton played horribly, McCaffrey got injured, he’s out for the season (He’s basically made of glass). And Stephon Gilmore played pretty average. Their biggest need is consistent quarterback play. That can’t come from Darnold or Newton.
Chicago Bears
Da Bears are really bad. Fields is basically a discount Jalen Hurts and Allen Robinson isn’t being used as much as he deserves. HE WAS A 1000 YARD RECEIVER LAST YEAR! Even though Matt Nagy is a bad coach, there is no reason to yell “Fire Nagy” at his kid’s HIGH SCHOOL football game. (He got fired) Darnell Mooney emerging as their top wide receiver is interesting, and I think he’s pretty good. What they need is Fields to get better with age. I think he can be the next Lamar.
Cincinnati Bengals
Who was expecting these guys to be good? I sure wasn’t. They are incredible. They beat the Chiefs in week 17, AND in the conference championship, Ja’Marr Chase is basically Rookie of the Year already, Joe Burrow is playing out of his mind, I can see why he got drafted first two years ago. The offense is dangerous. What they need is the defense to keep being solid.
Cleveland Browns
DANG, they did not do what I expected this season. They are bad. They traded OBJ, which is honestly a fine trade, but what was funny is that OBJ’s dad (who I guess is just OB) posted a video of all of the times Beckham was wide open and Baker Mayfield didn’t throw to him. The Browns had one chance to make the SuperBowl… And it was last year. What they need is a new Quarterback. Baker isn’t good anymore.
Dallas Cowboys
How ‘bout dem Cowboys? Well, they’re good. And if they don’t always choke in the playoffs, they can go far. Ceedee Lamb is emerging as a top wide receiver in the league. Dak Prescott is back and better than ever. Trevon Diggs is a star, and Micah Parsons is going to win DROTY. Dang, I wish they weren’t good. Their biggest need is Dak to keep playing consistently.
Denver Broncos
For Denver, winning the AFC West is close, but just out of reach. They have a great defense, but everything has to go well for them in the future. In the toughest division, they’ve got a long way to go. As I mentioned before, I am a fan of their defense. Kareem Jackson, Justin Simmons, Patrick Surtain. They can win in the future. Their biggest need is a quarterback.
Detroit Lions
Detroit is hopeless. But at least they got some wins? I think that’s a good thing. Actually, it might not be. They lost the #1 overall pick to Jacksonville. Anyway, this team is awful. If anyone reading this is a fan of the Lions, good job. You’ve had to deal with this team for so long. Their biggest need is everything.
Green Bay Packers
The season went great. They won a lot. Aaron Rodgers played as well as he did last season. At the beginning of the season, the Packers were Super Bowl Contenders… AND THEN COVID STRUCK. Aaron Rodgers is apparently NOT immunized from covid. He now has a toe injury (because he didn’t get the vaccine, get the vaccine kids). Anyway, the team is definitely going to lose their division title if Rodgers leaves. Their biggest need is Rodgers to stay, AND Special Teams.
Houston Texans
This season can be compared to a bird that doesn’t know how to fly. First, they jump off the branch. They win a game, they think they’re flying until… They fall and they are 4-13. If this team is a 500 pound weight, Brandin Cooks is a bodybuilder. He deserves a break, his back hurts from carrying the whole team. Their biggest need is a defense, running backs, and Davis Mills to be good.
Indianapolis Colts
Jonathan Taylor is good at football! I am so sorry that he got stuck on a bad team with Carson Wentz. They missed the playoffs somehow, (and the Steelers made it) Anyway, the Colts will be fine in the future, the defense is great and Jonathan Taylor will definitely be the next 2000 yard rusher. Their biggest need is Carson Wentz to play well.
Jacksonville Jaguars
- This is the amount of wins they have and also the amount of good players they have on their team. They however, have only 2 wins in the USA. Why have they not relocated to London yet, they get the majority of their wins there anyway. One of their wins in the USA came when Josh Allen sacked Josh Allen. Josh Allen played really well, and on the other hand, Josh Allen played terribly. Their biggest need is to have a defense around Josh Allen so next time when Josh Allen plays against Josh Allen, Josh Allen doesn’t need to do all the work and sack Josh Allen.
Kansas City Chiefs
Wow, they got good fast. They were mediocre at the beginning of the season, but now, they are a top team in the league, winning their division. Patrick Mahomes is very good at football. Tyreek Hill is extremely fast. And then there is Travis Kelce, brother of Jason, and also, one of my favorite players in the league. He’s really fun to watch. Unfortunately for the Chiefs, their defense was really terrible, they lost in the Conference Championship, and they have to pay Patrick Mahomes a lot. The Chiefs need a better defense.
Las Vegas Raiders
Well, the Raiders are ok. I’m surprised they made the playoffs, when I still see them as JUST ok. Derek Carr is a good quarterback, pretty underrated. They’ve got good running backs. Their wide receivers are pretty terrible, however. MIKE EDWARDS. He’s their number one wideout. Luckily they have Darren Waller. What they need is to stop starting controversy.
Los Angeles Chargers
The offense is great, the defense is ok, but the special teams of the Chargers will always be bad. I don’t even know why, it just is. Because it always is. I really like Justin Herbert, president of his high school’s fishing club and also a top 10 quarterback in the NFL. Austin Ekeler is definitely underrated. Keenan Allen and Mike Williams are a good wide receiver duo. And Joey Bosa is one of two really good Bosa’s in the NFL. What they need is consistent play. They’ve just been so inconsistent, but I guess that’s just the Chargers.
Los Angeles Rams
Cooper Kupp really did emerge out of nowhere. I think that has a lot to do with Matthew Stafford, who really changed the quarterback game for the Rams. They are really good this year, but they went winless in November. That is a bit odd. Their offense is good but their defense is better. They have Jalen Ramsey, Aaron Donald, and Von Miller. WOW. Their biggest need is consistent play from Stafford. He’s been incredible, but the final games of the regular season were tough for him.
Miami Dolphins
This season can be described as a 3 act play, called “Missing the playoffs for the second straight year despite being kind of good.” In the first act, Tua Tagovailoa attempts to lead a struggling team to the playoffs. He fails. They lose 7 straight. In the second act, Jaylen Waddle shows up. The Dolphins are suddenly 8-7, on the outside looking into the playoffs. However, in the final act, they get killed by the Titans and get locked out of the playoffs. Two years in a row, they’ve come so close, yet so far. What they need is to MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!
Minnesota Vikings
I can tell exactly how this season is going to go for them. They’ll make the playoffs, somehow play the Saints (I don’t know either, but they always do), beat them, then they’ll think they are the best team in the world, and then get destroyed by the Cardinals, Rams, Packers, Buccaneers, or Cowboys. (This didn’t happen but it would be funny if it did) Anyway, they’re pretty good. I’m a fan of Justin Jefferson. I think Dalvin Cook is pretty good. But I am still glad they lost to the Lions! What they need is to get Justin Jefferson the ball. He’s good.
New England Patriots
NO! They CAN’T be good AGAIN! I’ve already experienced so much pain from them. However, I like them better now that Tom Brady is on the Bucs. Mac Jones has the best nickname in the NFL, (Mac and Cheese) and JC Jackson is a really underrated Cornerback, and Matthew Judon is good. Their defense is really good. The offense has Nelson Agholor, so it’s obviously not the best. What they need is good wide receivers.
New Orleans Saints
The Saints without Drew Brees is like someone who doesn’t understand how a vending machine works. They don’t have their quarterback. (LAUGH NOW) Anyway Jameis is fine, Taysom Hill is fine, and Trevor Siemian is ok, but all three got injured. I would say Siemian is bad but I can’t because he beat Tom Brady. Kamara is a REALLY good running back. I would say the best receiving back in the league. Michael Thomas is now out for basically the second season straight. He probably doesn’t want to come back. He won’t be breaking the receptions record again without Drew Brees. The defense is good, but nothing too special. What they need is good quarterback play. Ian Book isn’t going to cut it.
New York Giants
Daniel “Danny Dimes” Jones was playing like a solid quarterback, but he got injured, so now they’ve got MIKE GLENNON and JAKE FROMM(State Farm). They are the worst team in the NFC East, but I think in the future, they’ll be able to make the playoffs. They need to do a lot before they win it all, however. This team is boring, sorry if I offended you. What they need is to get Saquon the ball.
New York Jets
J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! Alright, so this season has been quite a fun ride. Beating the Bengals, Titans, Jaguars, and Texans, they have four wins. I’m sad for them because it seems as though Zach Wilson wasn’t as good as some of the other rookie quarterbacks drafted this season (Mac Jones.) But they did get the best quarterback of all time, Mike White…
Tom Brady who? What they need is offensive line help for Zach Wilson.
Philadelphia Eagles
Super Bowl bound team, and I’m not biased at all. This team is possibly the best team of all time (except Jalen Reagor.) We have Jalen Hurts, who is Lamar Jackson but better, with the arm of Patrick Mahomes and the skill of Tom Brady. Backing him up is Gardiner Minshew, who is the best backup of all time AND the best mustache of all time. On defense we have Fletcher Cox who is kinda overrated not going to lie, but Darius Slay is definitely a top 10 Cornerback. Anyway, just crown us the champions already. They need NOTHING. (Except Jalen Hurts to make decisions quicker, scrambling isn’t always going to work)
Pittsburgh Steelers
THE STEELERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL. Said every Steelers fan ever, and no one else. Big Ben Roethlisberger is so bad, he falls over every time he throws. He is as mobile as Big Ben, the clock. However, I’m a big fan of Najee Harris. I think he’s really good. I also think T.J. Watt is good. (Obviously, he’s the sack leader.) And Minkah Fitzpatrick is good, one of the best safeties in the league. Diontae Johnson is good. But they are still mediocre somehow. What they need is a new quarterback, which should be relatively easy because Big Ben is retiring.
San Francisco 49ers
I like this team, and I think they’ve got a shot to win Super Bowls in the future. They’re pretty young and they have a bright future. I really like how Deebo Samuel is kind of changing to running back. Brandon Aiyuk is pretty good, Nick Bosa, Fred Warner, and the rest of the defense is solid. Jimmy Garoppollo has the hardest name to spell. Jimmy Garoppallo? Jimmy Goroppallo? Jimmy Garoppallo? I get why they call him Jimmy G. What they need is Trey Lance to get better, and fast. Jimmy G isn’t the best.
Seattle Seahawks
Oh no, poor Seahawks! You aren’t good for one year? I feel soooo bad for you, it’s not like you’ll trade your quarterback for basically nothing after one bad year! Fire Pete Carroll, he’s not that great anymore. D.K. Metcalf is still young, he’s got lots of time left to be good, this season is probably a fluke, but if it isn’t I’d be happy. I don’t like the Seahawks. Anyway, they need cornerbacks.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
They’re good, yeah. It’s sad, for everyone except them. Maybe they’ll lose this year, maybe they’ll win. I’m just so annoyed that no one can beat them. Maybe this year will be the year that Tom Brady retires. How in the world did Chris Godwin, Mike Evans, Antonio Brown, Rob Gronkowski, and Leonard Fournette end up on a team with Tom Brady, and they are ALL GOOD? Then they also have Lavonte David, Vita Vea, Shaquil Barrett, Jason Pierre-Paul, Ndamakong Suh, and more on their defense. This is the first time I am stumped on what a team needs. I’m going to say they need a plan for when Brady retires. (HE DID RETIRE)
Tennessee Titans
I would like to dedicate this section of this newspaper to wishing Derrick Henry a very speedy recovery from his injury, and I think this team is good, but not good enough to beat a team like the Packers, Buccaneers, or Chiefs. I don’t understand how a team has A.J. Brown, Julio Jones, AND Derrick Henry, and they’ve actually LOST a game. They need Tannehill to play well. He’s been pretty inconsistent over this season.
Washington Football Team
Ah yes, a Football team named Football Team. I know this was not new this year, but I wasn’t writing articles last year, so I’m taking this opportunity to make fun of their name. They’re ok I guess. They lost to the Eagles, but I was so stressed during that game. I think they can go places, but not now. They need a solid Quarterback before they can. (EDIT: they are the Commanders now, I don’t like the name. Football Team > Commanders)